I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
