please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
