If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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