I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
