you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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