ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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