He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
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You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
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Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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