it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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