This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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