Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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