sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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