What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
