Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
