I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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