some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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