Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
