it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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