I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
