I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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