Your face is a jimmy john
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
