I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
