my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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