im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
