I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
