That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He kissed a someone with a penis
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
