she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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