Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
