I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
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I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
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Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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