I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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