I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
