guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When did angry sex become our thing?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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