i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
