Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
