Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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