And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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