hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
