WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
