I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
