Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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