The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
