I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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