Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
