After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
