Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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