I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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