saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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