i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
