you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
