dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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