Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
