well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
