i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
NoShamevember. You game?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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