My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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