This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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