I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
