Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If that was your dad, he is hot
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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