i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
