Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
