I'm lost and stupid without you.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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