The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
