Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
