I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
