Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
