Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
