We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
