But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
