..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
